Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
