you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
