This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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