I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
