we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
