I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
