her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
