I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
