Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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