My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
