I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
