I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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