I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money