You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.