I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015