Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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