Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
