I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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