The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
