dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
