i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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