need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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