last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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