what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
