how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
