I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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