If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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