alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
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he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
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I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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