What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
