is your mom at the bar?
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
