Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you will always have a special place in my vag
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
