I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
