that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize