I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
