It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
