He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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