apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
