wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
