Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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