i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
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I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think pants incapable of making pants work
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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