I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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