no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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