don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
