I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
