I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
