I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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