I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
