that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
