I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I love black thongs
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
