how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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