There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
