She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
