That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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