So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Blood and glitter go together right?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
