So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
