Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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