We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
