He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
