So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
