Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
