I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
In America we eat man semen.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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