There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
