dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
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