The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
