I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
