I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
