you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
