this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
