You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
