Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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