Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
