Pants 0. Shit 1.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
