If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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